Once upon a time Fred Amata was a hotshot filmmaker. He was brilliant as actor, producer and director in the Nollywood industry. He was regarded as a trailblazer and wunderkind with the way he churned out outstanding movies. His brothers, Zack and Jeta Amata were also great players in the industry at the time.
He later got married to Agatha who was an unknown quantity in the entertainment industry back then. Fred was reported to have established ‘Inside Out with Agatha’ as a vehicle for his wife. The talkshow was a roaring success combining Fred’s production acumen, industry contacts alongside Agatha’s oratorial and marketing skills.
Soon, the bubble burst when the marriage broke up and the couple went their separate ways. The divorce settlement gave custody of the children to Agatha. She also continued with the production of the talkshow.
Fred Amata is undoubtedly a Nollywood legend.
He ranks with the likes of RMD, Ramsey Noah, Zack Orji, Keppy Ekpeyong, Desmond Elliott, Francis Duru and Emeka Ossai.
We learnt that he’s now living quietly in London, England and minding his business.
Until last week, when he released a salvo on his verified Facebook page. Fred Amata publicly called out Agatha, his ex-wife and mother of his children.
According to him, she audaciously walked their daughter down the aisle without him.
He ranted about his heartbreak and personal dignity as a father. He talked about cultural taboo and misappropriation for a mother to solely conduct marriage rites in the absence of a living father.
So let’s break this down.
Divorce is really not between husband and wife. It also has a reverberating effect on the children.
There’s always a bad and a good cop long after the marriage is over.
The children usually take sides with the parent seen to be doing the heavy lifting of parenting.
I attended a a wedding recently with the mother of the bride tucked away in a corner. The father insisted on bringing his new wife as he bankrolled the wedding. Mother of the bride sat like every other guest at her daughter’s wedding.
Another lady disallowed her biological mother from attending her wedding because of abandonment as a child. Little did she know that her mom was thrown down the staircase and ordered to leave the marriage.
She ran for her life.
Another product of divorce was able to reconcile his parents to attend his wedding together.
I also remember the happy wedding pictures of Made Kuti and his divorced parents.
It’s possible to remain civil and relatable after divorce.
But there’s always a divorce fallout that is often ignored by couples.
Some fathers relegate mothers out of spite. While some mothers too relegate fathers for same reason.
Trauma runs like a flowing tap between the adult children and their parents culminating in a showdown on their wedding day.
Which is what I think happened to Fred Amata on his daughter’s wedding day.
So, couples are advised to ink a co-parenting document during the divorce proceedings. Both of you must put a plan together for the children.
Don’t focus only on sharing assets, money and valuables.
No matter how garrulous your partner wants to be, get both lawyers to formulate regular visitation rights and financial commitments.
Always ensure you stay in the lives of your children even when you remarry.
Make payments.
Keep receipts.
Send birthday presents. Send messages and emails to dedicated accounts.
Visit their schools.
Get other family members to engage them too.
Don’t ever neglect your children because of a new marriage.
All these efforts will likely prevent such unsavory scenarios happening in the future.
Which is why I ask you ladies, can you give away your children in marriage without consulting their fathers after divorce?
Let’s have your views.
Please send us your comments and feedback to mooborscounsellingroom@gmail.com
By Mubo Okosun
Women’s Editor
It was a civil ceremony otherwise known as registry in Nigeria. My parents werent even at mine.